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Our Lives Will Never Be The Same
Our lives will never be the same. Today’s post is much more personal than most. My mother-in-law, one of the sweetest, most joyful souls you could ever meet, was killed this week. My sister-in-law was abducted, taken away, harmed, and deeply traumatized. Our family is agonizing as the police continue to search for mom’s remains. All they are able to share at this time is that they know mom was killed as this horrific crime unfolded.
It was senseless and tragic. As far as we can tell, my sister-in-law’s soon to be ex-husband is responsible. My sister-in-law is blind because of chemo and end stage cancer. This man was gone for a while with no regard for her well-being and mom moved from out of state to go live with her to care for her. This man has deeply wounded our family with his heinous acts.
Words can’t begin to describe how horrible this has been for us all. My father-in-law is deeply grieving for his beautiful wife and trying to figure out how to help his daughter. My husband and his brother are trying to figure out how to care for their dad and sister while they themselves still cannot breathe or wrap their mind around how two of the most precious women in their lives were brutally victimized. The grandchildren are overwhelmed and scared. One of the most beautiful lights in their life, Grandma, is gone. Then there is this whole investigation, which is necessary, but by nature of the process, continues to traumatize us all. It’s so very hard.
Excruciatingly painful barely begins to describe the experience. While the rest of the world moves on, we wait struggling to breathe, searching for some footing, trying to figure out how to move forward from something so evil.
The solace we find is in our thoughts about mom. She was an incredible woman. She was born in Japan, the child of an American GI. As such, she was horribly mistreated in Japan. She grew up in orphanages and foster families. As a young teen, she hoped she would die rather than continue on. But she endured, and at age 16, she came to America with her younger siblings, who were born to another GI.
They lived with this man for a short time and even though she didn’t speak a word of English, she raised her siblings, went to school, and got a job. At 19, she met and married dad, and they worked to build a beautiful life. Together, they learned of Jesus and His saving grace. Mom knew she was loved by God and greater things were yet to come. Slowly, her broken life was transformed.
She turned her thoughts to God, His kindness, His compassion, and His love for her. Rather than dwelling on what wasn’t right in her world, she chose to focus on what could be with God by her side. She dreamed, she continued to grow herself, and she loved God passionately. She got herself through school, worked as a teacher at her kid’s school, and later became the senior manager at the credit union. She was strong, she was feisty, and she was an overcomer.
She raised three really great kids who became successful, caring adults. She has 5 beautiful grandchildren that she loved and adored beyond measure and who fiercely love her back. She planted a bush or tree in her yard each time a grandchild was born to honor their lives and their growth.
She adored flower gardens and grew beautiful flowers in every color. She was an artist at heart and appreciated color and beauty. All throughout the year, she sent us handmade beautiful cards expressing her love for us. She also had a beautiful voice, and despite being terrified of the stage, she did it anyway, and sang and praised the God she loved and adored.
Mom never let her thinking control her. She chose what thoughts she was going to dwell on, and she dreamed God sized dreams and took steps toward them despite her past, despite her fear, despite her hardships. She knew God had designed her for more. She knew God’s faithfulness and trusted His promises. Now she is resting, at peace in her heavenly father’s arms. We will miss you mom, but we will never forget you or how you have influenced our lives. We pray your amazing story of love, hope, and growth lives on through each of us.
Today’s leadership and personal growth lesson for us all – is to live out what mom’s life continually demonstrated. Don’t let your past experiences or your current circumstances determine your future. Don’t dwell on thoughts that don’t bring life. Dwell on thoughts that help you become more of who God designed you to be. Find your strength in God, and dream with Him about all that He desires for your future. Daily renew your mind, and take a step towards living out the amazing potential He has created within you. Choose daily to love the people around you and focus on what matters most.
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Dare to Dream
Do you dare to dream? Have you let hardships or facts in your life steal them away from you? As years go by we often let dreams go. How sad is that? Imagination is where God breathes life into every new invention known to man. Dreams take us to our better tomorrow. Are you dreaming about your future? I’ve been dreaming about where I want to be 5 years from now. I am painting the picture in my mind. Each day, I add a little more sparkle, a splash more color, a bolder texture to my story. In reality, I can barely draw a stick figure, but in my imagination, I am brilliant. I am becoming aware of more ideas. I am starting to see it, feel it, and some days I can almost touch it. Each day it becomes a little more real. The excitement is building as my thought life shows me the next step. Just one more step each day.
Napoleon Hill, back in the 30’s said, “Your dominating thoughts are like magnets. They attract to us the forces, the people, the circumstances of life which harmonize with the nature of your dominating thoughts.” That is fascinating to me. Our dominating thoughts are like powerful magnets. All of a sudden I’m picturing myself back as a child playing with two magnets one on top of the table and one underneath magically dragging the top one along fooling friends with magical powers…. But I don’t think that was quite what he was getting at.
Did you know your thoughts are actually energy? They are electrical currents in your brain. Your brain has over 100 billion neurons firing electrical impulses through thousands of synaptic connections. Each of these actions, interactions, and reactions trigger thousands of messages. Energy flows. It travels. The pattern of the travel can be seen on different types of brain scans. It’s quite fascinating.
Physics tells us that everything is made up of atoms that vibrate together. This energy that vibrates at one frequency attracts more energy of the same frequency. When Napoleon Hill identified dominating thoughts attract “like” energy, he was defining concepts we are just starting to grasp in science today.
Isn’t that crazy to think about? Our thought energy impacts and influences the physical energy of opportunities, experiences, and outcomes. This doesn’t necessarily mean if I think a happy thought, more happy things come into my world. But the reality is my dominating thoughts, the thoughts I dwell on and feed daily to my subconscious mind, do broadcast a certain energy and attract other sources of similar energy. What that means for me is that I actually have the ability to influence some of the energy (ideas, opportunities, experiences, and outcomes) drawn into my life.
If I choose to think negative thoughts, and fill my mind with all the things that don’t work or I don’t like or I follow habits that are destructive, I am putting out negative energy. This energy will attract like energy. Those old adages are true, “birds of a feather flock together” and “misery loves company.” With my negative mindset, I draw that type of energy into my life. But if I choose to renew my mind, as Philippians says, focus on what is true, right, and pure, I begin to attract more of that energy into my life. Energy attracts like energy.
So I am dreaming and imagining about where I am headed. I’m thinking, feeling, and saturating myself in those bigger thoughts and where I believe my faith is leading me to go. I don’t want to stay in the status quo, the monotony, the daily grind…. I want more out of my life. I want a thriving life that continues to live out my potential. I might not be able to avoid all the bumps and bruises that come along the way, but I certainly don’t have to be stuck in the mire. I can intentionally choose my dominating thoughts and set the course for a different future.
Reflect: Do you dream about your future? If you are not happy with the status quo, think about where you would like to be. What is your mindset like today? What’s bouncing around in your thought environment that might be influencing your current situation? Do you see that you might be stuck in your old patterns of thinking, living out the status quo?
Take Action: You can begin to renew your mind, change your thinking, and grow beyond today. What are you going to choose? Think about a dream, a goal, or a desire. Write it out in detail. Your thinking might be holding you back from progress toward that goal. What would you need to change in your thinking to begin to open up this door of opportunity in your life?
Real Life Examples:
One individual I have been speaking with wanted more out of his career, but he had a mindset that held him back. He wanted to move from being a solo technical expert to becoming a manager. But his mind was fraught with ideas like, “I don’t know how to manage people,” and “I can’t lead others,” and “What if I mess up?” His thinking was holding him back. Rather than be stuck in his fear, he needed to focus on the truth of his God given potential. He worked on changing his mindset to include thoughts like, “I have leadership resources to help me grow and learn more,” and “It’s okay to make mistakes, I can learn from them and move on,” and “I know really good leaders who I can model and learn from.” He focused his thoughts on his dream and the next step, rather than being stuck in his current patterns of disbelief. Not too long after, he was promoted to a management role in his field of specialty.
A teacher was given the opportunity to work with a classroom of 20 students in a failing school in the inner city. She knew she would potentially have the same students for 2-3 years if they came to school and didn’t drop out. She intentionally set out to create an environment that set them up for growth and worked to challenge their “poverty” mindset every day, several times a day. When she heard thinking that would hold them back, she helped them see the limiting belief and taught them to think differently. She encouraged and showed them how to believe in themselves, in their dreams, and in their potential. When her three year tenure was complete, each of those children graduated to the next level.
Your thinking and results won’t change overnight, but with intentionality you can begin to develop and nurture more of your potential for your future. You were meant for more. Don’t let your current thinking hold you back. Choose to grow. Sign up for a mastermind series or a mentoring course and begin to challenge and nurture your growth. You won’t regret it.
Photo credit: Dayne Topkin
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Live Intentionally
I hate when water gets into your house where it’s not supposed to be. Water is meant to be in the sink or the tub… not all over your basement floor, definitely not inches deep on your carpet. A few years ago, our region had a lot of rainfall. So much so, it started backing up in areas, and you can guess what happened next. It leaked through our cinder block into our nicely finished basement. What a mess. The ceiling and wall went from “drywall” to water soaked mush falling into puddles on the carpeting.
With painstaking effort, we had to pull up the carpeting, throw away water soaked things, dry everything out, and make repairs. We had to redo the outside drain area, put up the new wall and ceiling, and prime for painting. With the help of friends and family, it took us weeks and a lot of sore muscles to get to that point.
Fast forward a few years, and the wall is still waiting for that final coat of paint. I need to match the color with the rest of the basement and paint. Obviously, it just hasn’t been a priority for me. I keep intending to get it done. I want it done, but it’s in the basement, out of sight and out of mind, and it gets forgotten. A few days turned into a week which turned into a few months, and now it’s been a few years. I do intend to finish that wall someday …. Martin Luther once said, “how soon ‘not now’ becomes never.”
This is just a wall in the basement of our home. In the great scheme of things, it is not that important. But how often do my good intentions never quite come to fruition in things that matter most like my relationships, my business plan, or in my spiritual life? Where in my life am I letting good intentions linger unfulfilled? How often do I declare I am going to do something at the start of the year, make a promise to my spouse, or even to myself, only to let it dwindle and be forgotten?
Good intentions left uncharged are useless. Like a smart phone, they are full of potential, but only if it is charged and action is taken. How many houses have unused treadmills? Who is still looking for that new opportunity or initiative to come through that was promised at work? How many kids are still waiting for mom or dad to get to “later” to shoot a few hoops? Empty promises help no one, and in the things that matter most, good intentions left unfulfilled not only hold you back, they can hurt you or the others you influence.
In last week’s post, I asked you to start to identify 3-5 of your personal values and to think about how to live those out in what matters most to you. If you didn’t have a chance to read that post, you can do so here to read What Matters Most. I want us to be intentional and focus on what matters.
We all have those moments where we respond to a request, come up with an idea to try, or say we want to do something, and think we will do it. But then it gets put on the back burner, or we get busy and sidetracked, and it gets lost. We intend to do it, but never get around to it. John C Maxell says “Intentional living is the bridge that will lead you to a life that matters. Good intentions won’t get you there.”
Intention is great, but intention alone doesn’t get things done. It doesn’t help you go deeper or move forward. It doesn’t help you grow and develop your potential. It won’t build relationships or help you achieve your dreams. Good intentions quickly become like empty ghost towns, places where hopes and dreams have withered away. Good intentions that align with our values and what matters most need to be acted on.
If you are hoping to become a stronger leader, a more connected parent, or a better spouse, that is great. But if no action is ever applied to that good intention, nothing changes. You have far greater potential than you have ever realized. You have the ability to make a difference in the lives of others and the world around you. But if you don’t take action, today is as far as you will get. You were meant for more and to pursue your dreams. Live out your best story.
Let’s get off the “good intention” merry-go-round that goes nowhere and let’s move from good intentions to being intentional about the things we value and matter most to us. The wall in my basement won’t get painted today, but I did take another step toward my making my dreams come true, and my family knows that the rest of today is all about them. It’s time for some laughter and play.
Reflect: Take some time and think through what you value? What matters most to you today? Who or what is a priority for you? Think about where you have some good intentions that remain unfulfilled? Evaluate those intentions. Which one’s line up with what you value and what matters most to you?
Action Step: Look at your list of unfulfilled intentions that align with your values and what matters most to you. Find one or two that you want to be your priority this week. Be careful with your choices. Dream and plan in alignment with your values and the things that matter most. What action can you take this week to move from good intention to living intentionally? Just take one small step toward making that happen, and once you have accomplished that step, take another.
Real Life Examples: A friend shared with me how she values reading to her children, but by the third child it seemed to have gone by the wayside. Rather than just letting this value disappear, she is choosing to be intentional and has a plan for reading with her daughter each night at bedtime.
A business owner noticed a drop in employee morale, despite his intention of building into his employees not much has happened this past year in that regard. Instead of just talking about it, he is being intentional, and we have started a weekly mastermind with his team around personal growth.
Feel free to share in the comments how you are going to be intentional this week.
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What Matters Most?
When the doctor says, “You understand he is going to die?” it’s amazing how your focus changes. At first, I was stunned, shaken, and for days I felt like I could barely breath.
It’s a scary thing to realize a situation is totally beyond your control. In reality, none of us really know the timeline of our life or what tomorrow holds for those we love. What we do know is that we have this moment. You and I, we each have today. What you do with it is up to you. You have a choice. Are you wasting it watching mindless reruns, staring at your phone, or surfing the web for nothing in particular? You get to choose. Be intentional.
After getting over the mind crippling fear of that doctor’s announcement, we realized, while the timing is in God’s hands, we have a choice in how we respond. We are choosing to adjust our focus and zero in on what matters most to us. We are choosing to make the moments for our family take precedence. We are choosing to work on improving our financial position so when something does happen, we won’t be crippled financially. We have decided to be very intentional about the choices we make each day.
It would have been easier and even understandable to be overwhelmed with the news and wait and see what happens. We could have continued in the flurry of activity of business, family, etc. we call modern life and not reflect on what we really want to happen today. We could have maintained the status quo. But my friend and mentor, John C. Maxwell, in his book, Intentional Living, says, “No one finishes well by accident,” and “When you get right down to it, intentional living is about living your best story.”
Regardless of tomorrow, there is a purpose in my being here. There is a purpose for our family and we want to live out our best story. I want my story, my family story, and my professional story to leave a significant imprint. Rather than just go with the flow, we are making choices and choosing to be intentional about how we go about each day. We are asking ourselves things like, “Which of my personal values do I want to be sure to live out today?” or “What opportunity do I want to be open to?” or “What thoughts am I going to choose to dwell on?”
John Wooden once said, “Make each day your masterpiece.” Each day, we are choosing to focus our time and energy on things that we decide matter. There is so much that just fills space or has little value. Before you know it, another day is gone. But you have the choice, you have the ability to claim the day and make it your masterpiece. Don’t leave it to chance.
Reflect: What are you doing out of habit rather than because it is what you want to do? What things in your life just take up space with little value or return? At the end of the day, what really matters most to you? What paragraphs do you want to be in this chapter of your story? Don’t miss out on these moments.
Take Action: Personal growth requires intentional effort. Choose to make a change today and be intentional. Today, right now, make a list of the 4 or 5 things you value most. Then choose one thought or behavior that supports what you value and make that be a part of each day’s masterpiece this week. Live it out and make it happen!
