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Stressed? Spare the Cookies!
Stress! Let’s admit times are rough. Families are hurting. The virus, the riots, the loss of jobs, the quarantine, the deaths, the missed special events like graduations and birthdays all contribute to a lot of heart ache. Regular life is stressful – add the past 6 months – and the emotional well-being of many is taking a hit. There is a lot to grieve.
To get through this time well – we need to make sure we have a plan for self-care. Self-care is what you intentionally do to take care of your emotional and physical well-being. It helps you reset, refresh, and relax amidst the storms around you. It is important to do all the time, but even more critically important in the rough times.
Self-care is not being selfish and neglecting the world around you, but rather refueling yourself so that you are better able to care for yourself and the others around you. Self-care is doing something that brings you calmness, renewed energy, joy, and helps you decompress. It’s a planned moment to look forward to.
I take care of a lot of people – between family, clients, and friends – I find I am frequently helping, giving, and trying to protect others from crashing and burning. In that, especially as a mom, I feel like I don’t have the time to do things for myself.
I forget how important self-care is for all of us, including me. A week or so ago, I found myself in a funk. I lost my motivation. I didn’t want to do much beyond work. I just sat around, watched some mindless movies, let the dishes pile up, and ate a box of cookies. I was tired. After a day or two of this, I realized I was a little burned out.
If we don’t refill our emotional tank – it eventually runs out. Mindless movies and cookies don’t really replenish my tank. They just fill my idle time. But, sitting out on my nicely finished deck and reading a good book, taking a walk on the beach, or playing a board game with my kids gives me energy and joy.
Take a look at your calendar. Where is your next planned moment for you? Don’t have one? Well, that’s a problem!
The 2019 Stress in America survey compared 2019 to 2020 and it shows stress is significantly higher for adults, and even higher for those who are parents. Things are getting more stressful!
If we want to get through this season well – we need to take care of ourselves. That includes the basics we hear about like a regular routine, good self, healthy diet, and some exercise. But in addition to that, self-care needs to be a regular part of our lives. Self-care touches on 4 different life domains – physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. Make sure you are doing intentional things to nurture these areas and model your self-care for your kids.
Self-care includes doing activities that you enjoy, not things that are fun but stress you out. Make a list on your phone of activities from simple things like a hobby, journaling, or walking the beach, to big things like planning trips, going on a retreat, or doing things on your bucket list. A few times each week make sure you have built in a few moments of these life-giving, energy boosting activities.
Self-care includes being able to set boundaries to protect yourself like – Choosing to not check emails or be on your smart phone during certain time periods of time or once in bed. Choosing to not continue or engage in certain relationships that drag you down, drain your energy, or leave you feeling used or abused, whether it’s face-to-face or on social media. Choosing to say no even to some good things – because they don’t fit with your time, interests, gifts, or talents.
Self-care includes getting to know yourself better, reflecting on where you are at in life, and where you would like to be, and taking steps towards growth and making that happen. Small and purposeful efforts that help develop your gifts, talents, dreams, and purpose all contribute to living a fulfilled life.
There are a lot of hard things going on in life right now. It is stressful for almost everyone. Remember it’s okay to grieve the losses, be kind to yourself and to others, and make sure you take care of yourself so that you are better able to care for those you love!
In the weeks ahead – stay tuned for ways to help improve the lives of your kids. Some of you have mentioned wanting to learn more about how to help your kids. So, I’m working on a page filled with parenting/educator tips and strategies to help grow our kids in healthy ways. If you have ideas or questions related to growth for you or your kids please feel free to email me ideas or post on my Facebook business page Sherri McClurg, PsyD
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Don’t Roll In Dog Poop!
Did you ever see a dog covered and smeared in dog poop? Well, take a closer look at that picture. This pup is supposed to be all light blonde.
Each summer, Georgie gets a summer shave. But this time, after her shave, she was a little itchy. Shortly after getting home, before we had a chance to brush and rinse off any small hair clippings, she itched herself by rubbing up against the grass in the corner of the yard….
The corner of the yard where the dogs go to the bathroom. It gets cleaned up on Saturdays. This was Friday.
When we called her in, she happily came bounding into the house smeared in smelly dog poop. It was disgusting. She had smashed and smeared it everywhere – her snout, her head, her belly, her back…ugghhhh. I don’t think she intentionally smeared dog poop. She was just trying to scratch the itch and get relief.
Do you know how gross it is to clean a small bit of poop off the bottom of a shoe? Imagine it smashed in dog hair. Her collar was caked in it. Chunks were in her ears. It was awful and gag worthy… the smell was hideous.
And you know what? Poop doesn’t wash out well with garden hose temperature water. It just smears more. We had to keep bringing warm water out of the house, scrub her down with soapy water, rinse with the hose, and jump every time she would try to shake it all off. Ewww, it was so disgusting!
It took a long time to get her cleaned up…and the front rug… and the driveway… and then ourselves.
Oh Georgie! My Friday morning was derailed. The grass scratching relieved her itching for the moment, but it created a host of problems for the one’s she loves.
Hmmm…. I wonder how often we are like that – to get relief we do something without realizing it makes things worse for others around us, and ultimately us too.
Have you ever done something to get short-term relief, but it creates or feeds a long-term problem? You opt for the quick solution without thinking about the long-term impact.
Think about the choices you are making today. Is there something that brings you short term gain – but might make life more complicated for you or for those you love?
There are habits, behaviors, and choices that we keep doing that amount to rolling in dog poop. While it might have some gain in this moment, it truly isn’t in our best interests for the long-term. It might bring us some relief, help us to get something done, or get others to move, but it might actually be a detriment to our long-term goals.
Barking out orders and criticizing the team might get people to comply, but it doesn’t build loyalty. Alcohol, drugs or other vices might bring temporary relief from emotional pain, but it doesn’t bring hope or change for the future. Fighting all your kids battles for them might get immediate results, but it doesn’t teach your child autonomy and self-governance. Doing everything to please others might make you feel better but it doesn’t help you live out your purpose.
Think twice about the actions you take today.
Be careful you aren’t rolling in dog poop! It stinks!
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Lessons from the Deck
So I suggested to my husband we get an estimate to refinish our deck. He bought power tools!
I’m embarrassed to share, it’s been 10 years and we’ve done nothing for it. It needs a really good clean, a few repairs, and new seal or stain of some sort. Seriously, our deck is the nicest feature to our house. We should not have neglected it. I was thinking we should have someone else fix it, but my husband had a different plan.
It’s 700 square feet overlooking the trees and creek of our backyard. But taking on a project like this is not our normal. He is allergic to most things outdoors and he likes engines, dirt bikes, and guitars. I, on the other hand, love to read and learn, be near or on the water (summer or winter), and do workshops to train and help others grow. Projects are not our forte. Not to mention, we both have a way of doing things, and it’s very different. We even cook rice differently!
When I talk leadership strengths with people, I talk about knowing your strengths and surrounding yourselves with others who fill your gaps. I also talk about understanding your personality style and how you relate to others to improve your communication and connection. This applies to marriage too!
Early on, my husband and I found our gaps. We were different. We figured out we would never win a three-legged race, because we don’t work well when we are working right next to each other. He’s a strong C personality, I’m a high D personality. I have enough C to get along with him but not enough where we can agree on how things should get done. Likewise, my high D likes thinks to keep moving. His high C likes to contemplate and dwell in the details.
Tied together in a three-legged race we’d bobble and fumble. We’d be that couple still at the starting line lying on the ground, frustrated with each other, after tripping and stumbling trying to each do it our own way.
But here is what this deck project has reinforced for us. Our “couple” strength is not a three-legged race, it’s a relay race. Instead of being tied together, if we can figure out how to pass the baton back and forth to work toward the same finish line, we are champions. It’s our groove. It works for our personalities, our strengths, and our family dynamics.
It took days of cleaning – he sprayed an area down and then bubble soaked it in the morning and then went to work on-line. I then scrubbed and slowly blasted the crud to infinity and beyond. On his lunch hour, when I see clients he took over the power washing. Back and forth we’d go. It was slow going, especially those tedious railings, but each day we were making progress. 10 years of crud build up from all the trees is finally gone.
The deck is clean, the repairs have been made, and the sanding is finished. As soon as the rains clear we will apply the seal/stain. In the meantime, each morning we sit outside together listening to the birds, watching the deer at the creek, and being together. At lunch time, my daughter and I enjoy the sunshine. In the evenings we sit with our kids around the fire pit or playing games on the deck. We are sharing some wonderful, peaceful moments together amidst all of life’s crazy.
Together, we have accomplished a really great thing. But it would not have gone as well if we had tried to force ourselves to work alongside each other, forcing our way of doing things on the other. We’ve figured out our strengths as a couple, where we are strong and where we are weak, and how to make that work for us.
Think about your couple strengths? Where do you do well together? Where do you struggle? Look at your personality differences. What can you tweak, adjust, or flex to increase the connectedness and decrease the frustration so that you too can accomplish great things and enjoy it together as a couple?
If you aren’t sure about how your personality traits line up in comparison with your spouse, take the DISC personality profile. The information will help you tremendously as you seek to communicate and connect with others! Learn more about the DISC here.
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If you don’t like what’s in your life then change you.
Let this be our wake-up call. There are too many horrible tragedies in the news feed these days that didn’t have to be that way. Behaviors that came about from years of decision making and going with the status quo.
We each need to realize that what shows up in my life today is directly influenced by my decisions from yesterday. I play a part in creating my reality. Collectively, we each play a part in creating our community.
Our beliefs, our values, our experiences, our history… those things all feed into our thoughts, and those thoughts instigate our behavior that impacts our lives and the lives of others. But we don’t have to be blindly led by those thoughts. We don’t have to live out patterns or historical records.
Who you are today, comes from the decisions you have made or not made along the way.
Last week on Facebook, I posted a comment by Viktor Frankl and many of you responded. For those of you who don’t know him, he was a Jewish psychiatrist who survived being in a concentration camp. None of his family members survived. He wrote and shared about his experiences in the book, “Man’s Search for Meaning.”
In the book he states, “We watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behaved like saints.” Some of the captives stole food from each other. Others sided with the guards trying to get favor. He goes on to say, “Man has both the potentialities within. Which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions.”
It depends on decisions not conditions… think about that for a moment… whether you are a swine or a saint depends on your decisions not your conditions. While they were being held captive and horrifically tortured, some behaved like swine while others behaved like saints.
The same applies today. Whether you are a swine or a saint is your decision to make, and yours alone. It’s not the condition or experience you are in that is at fault – you make your own decisions.
Who you are going to be and how you are going to respond is your choice. Don’t say there is nothing you can do. Don’t sit idle and blame your past life or the behavior of others for your current situation. Choose more.
We are seeing one story after another about decisions people make in the moment – and how lives are being tragically altered as a result. How each of those people behaved came from decisions they made every day leading up to that moment. Their choices and decisions fueled that moment and sadly, another horrible news story.
It’s not the condition we live in that determines who we are – but what comes from within each one of us. We all have the potential to be swine or saints. Are you paying attention to the decisions you make today and reflecting on the reality they are creating?
Are you thinking about how you choose to interact with others? How do you treat the person with a mental or physical handicap, from a lower socio-economic status, with a different skin color or a language not your own?
If you want a different tomorrow, start working on a different decision today. You make the decisions in your life. Your conditions don’t make them for you. You own the right to your thoughts. No one can tell you what to think or what to decide. That is yours and yours alone. Choose to become more aware of how you think and the decisions you make today and make better one’s because that will lead to your tomorrow.
Viktor Frankl also said, “Human potential at its best is to transform a tragedy into a personal triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement.” Viktor endured horrors we cannot begin to imagine. His life story has influenced millions for good because of the choices he made. Let today’s tragedy lead to change within each one of us.
You have the potential at any given moment to make a change. You were created with the ability to choose your thoughts, to choose what you are going to focus on. You are not limited to your past life. That is your choice.
Choose wisely friends! Work on your self-awareness. Pay attention to your thoughts. Choose to make better decisions for yourself and for those around you. If we want to be better collectively, we must first be better individually. Take steps of growth toward becoming more like the person you want to be.
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Help! How do we help our teens and young adults deal with COVID19?
For many students, especially those in high school, the Coronavirus has brought big losses: high school sports teams, prom, band concerts, theater productions, graduation ceremonies, and end of year parties to name a few. It’s a time usually filled with college visits and starting to think about what comes next in life.
When you are in high school life follows a linear plan. 9th grade, 10th grade, fall sports, spring sports, 2nd period, 3rd period, this activity, then that. Years of repetition have led to very clear expectations of what comes next leading into your first years of college.
But with COVID19 these teens and young adults likely feel like they are being robbed of milestones, typical life experiences and anticipated memories.
It’s hard to be a teenager on a good day – we’ve all felt that teen angst. But now insert months of COVID19 and it can be downright depressing. School buildings are closed, productions canceled, sports prematurely ended, and social activities severely crippled.
Put yourself in their shoes. That’s a lot of change. That’s a lot of loss. At the very season of life when peers and social relationships help us learn to define who we are and what we want, they are shut-in and more isolated. In this phase of life when they should be learning to be a little more independent and developing some autonomy they are being restricted, confined, and bossed around like there were a child again.
Within all that there has to be a lot of grief, confusion, frustration, anger, hurt, disappointment, and even rebellion. Whether home-schooled, public schooled, or private schooled – your teen or young adult has probably had their world shaken.
What can we do to help them get through this season? How do we help depression-proof this time frame for them and keep them focused on moving forward?
Neurobiology teaches us that our brains develop well into our mid-20s. The higher parts of brain function are the last to develop. Basic drives and reward-seeking behavior are well established by our teen years, but impulse control, planning and complex reasoning are the last to fully develop.
This means teens and young adults are more likely to display risky behavior, impulsivity, and search for things with immediate rewards. They perceive themselves to even have a little bit of invincibility. They also tend to be influenced more by peers or other adults rather than parents as they strive for some autonomy. That’s part of development. It’s normal behavior – but in a pandemic it’s kind of scary.
But here is the good news, while their brains aren’t fully developed, they are developing. Their frontal lobes are learning to engage and problem solve. Talk with your teen. Have honest conversations with open ended questions. Engage them in critical thinking about the data and research regarding the virus. Think together about how it is impacting the world. Ask for their perspective on how to care for the more vulnerable. Help them understand their part of the bigger community.
Even better yet, find people they like to listen to and get them in on the conversation. Peers and others outside the home take on a louder voice during adolescence. Who has earned that place in your teen’s life that you respect? Is it a coach, youth pastor, grandparent, neighbor – ask them to help speak into your teen’s life during this complicated time.
The second thing we can do is encourage social connection amidst social distancing in planful ways. I get excited when I see schools, teams, or churches finding innovative and creative ways to build connection for youth. Social distancing does not have to mean social isolation. Give your teen and their peer group ownership for planning safe social connection. I’ve seen teens coming up with all sorts of great ideas like small group bike rides, Zoom workouts with friends, and Netflix parties just to name a few.
Young people can be incredibly creative when they want something. Put them in charge of coming up with ways to connect. It’s disappointing that so few schools or colleges are including students in their COVID19 conversations. It’s not that young adults are not able, quite the contrary, they just need some parameters. Their passion and energy can out rival the boring adults any day.
Finally, help your teen or young adult become a champion for their own growth for the good of themselves and others. Help them understand, this is what it is. The Coronavirus sucks and there’s a lot of hurt and loss. It’s important to grieve, but don’t get stuck there. Look for the opportunities that can come with a crisis. What can they do for their own growth? How can they add value to others?
How they respond to this time will set precedent for years to come. The world just changed. There is no going back. Help lead your teen or young adult towards becoming someone who overcomes and grows through the crisis.
During May and June 2020 be sure to subscribe and receive access to a encouraging graduation message from John C. Maxwell to share with 2020 graduates.
Consider gifting a graduate you know with a College & Career Assessment. It will set them ahead of their peers as they start college life. Click here for more info.
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“I’m not going to change”
How do you handle unexpected changes? Does it make you nervous, uncomfortable, or even angry? Many things are changing in the world these days, and with change comes feelings of uncertainty. Change, or even the hint of change, can be a little unsettling. Whether it’s a change in your school/work environment, change in how things get done, or any kind of change for that matter, it can lead to negative feelings.
Sometimes people get so upset by a potential change they dig their heals in and fight rather than risk embracing what the change could entail. They prefer how things used to be, the way it’s always been. What was comfortable for them has become their “only way.”
We’ve all heard the saying – “The only thing that is constant is change.” Without change or something disrupting the status quo things stagnate. Keeping things how they used to be keeps you in the status quo. You aren’t growing. You’re just there. You are letting the dust build up in your life.
Like the dust in our homes – we need to clean up the dust in our lives every once in a while. Change is needed. It brings newness and fresh perspective. It provides opportunities and helps keep us flexible. It builds strength. Change can be a positive thing. Yes, it can be hard, scary, and unsettling. However, you don’t need to avoid it or be a victim to it. You can be a part of the change and find the benefits that lie within dealing with the difficulties.
So what can we do to help us through all the current changes so we can reap the benefits vs. getting stuck in the status quo?
Here are a few ideas I’ve been trying to focus on in my life that might be helpful to you too.
- Accept that change is happening. Grieve what you have lost, let it go, and accept things are changing. It’s hard to find any joy on the ride if you’re gripping on for dear life and denying or fighting against it.
- Realize any change, good or bad, can cause some stress. Take better care of yourself. Be kind to yourself, eat a little better, exercise, and incorporate time into each day to breathe, relax, and reflect.
- Think about the positive possibilities. Make a list of the ways you are growing or the things you see coming as a result of the change. Brainstorm ways to do life/work/family better. There are opportunities in crisis. Despite the hardship, good things can come out of it. Find good anchor points to focus on.
- Be proactive. If you know change is happening you can embrace possibilities and draw from the experience in a positive way. You can choose to involve yourself with the people and causes that are working to make a difference and care for one another. Or you can sit stoically, caught up in what you’ve lost, reacting out of crisis and driven by your emotions.
- Connect with those you love and care about. Share your thoughts, struggles, and experiences with those who are willing to walk this journey with you. We were never meant to walk this life alone. Links arms with one another, grieve the loss, celebrate the victories, and look to the future together.
Change is happening and it will continue to happen. Whether you choose to be proactive and respond to it or fight it and be reactive is your choice. Don’t miss out on the opportunities for you in this difficult time. Are you looking forward or are you stuck in the past? What’s one thing you can do right now in the current changes to set yourself on a path to reap the benefits vs. getting stuck in the status quo? Share your thoughts and ideas.
If you’d like the free printable worksheet to help you Grow Through Change with Coping Tips – be sure to subscribe and receive future blog posts.
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You’ve Got To Be Kidding!
The first truly extreme hardship I had to experience as an adult was the birth of my middle child. He is profoundly handicapped. The reality of so many hopes and dreams being shattered was hard to adjust to. Plus, learning how to care for a child who will be dependent on you for the rest of their life is a lot. It shattered our hearts, but giving up was not an option for us, so each new day was a lesson in grieving, letting go, and learning anew.
Then, came the diagnosis for another family member, a progressive, un-treatable, auto-immune disorder. It seemed like too much to bear, but once again we had to let go and work at taking one step at a time. As the saying goes, we can become better or we can become bitter. We are choosing better.
One would hope for a reprieve as we were dealing with all that but sadly, our family experienced a horrific tragedy last year. My in-laws were abducted from their home. One was brutally killed and the other barely survived and is now in our care. It has been overwhelming and difficult. But we are learning and figuring out how to move forward. It’s been almost a year since then. I’d like to say things have gotten easier, but not really. I have days where I just wish Jesus would call us all home. But, he hasn’t yet, so we just keep taking one step at a time.
We’ve been grieving, coping, and trying to find our footing. “You’ve got to be kidding,” is the response we get from friends when they hear yet again another hardship has befallen us. It’s a lot to bear and still try to do daily life. It would be easy to throw in the towel, give up, or hide under the covers. Trust me I’ve tried, but the kids always find me. I’m learning I can’t protect the one’s I love from hurting. As much as I want to, it’s just not possible. But I’m walking alongside the one’s I love, walking through pain with them, and helping them move forward. Together we are growing.
God placed a passion in my life for helping others and helping them grow. I have a doctorate in clinical psychology and have spent years training with the John Maxwell team on personal growth and leadership. Knowing that I believe in a God I can fully trust, plus having those training experiences he placed in my life, has helped me stay the course. This life is brutal at times, but I know God is not finished.
My passion is still the same. I want to be the best version of me that I can be and keep getting better. I want to help others to do the same. Some days, I’m not so great, but I’m getting better one day at a time. One of my favorite John Maxwell books is The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. One of those laws is the Law of Pain. John says, “It’s difficult to meet the negative experience in the moment with a positive mind-set. However, if you can do that, you will always be able to learn something from it… Facing difficulties is inevitable. Learning from them is optional.” When we stop learning, we stop growing. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually we get stuck. What we choose to do with the difficulties in our lives shapes and influences our future.
How about you? Are you experiencing some tough breaks? Do you feel discouraged, stuck, or unable to get moving? Cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself. It’s okay to be overwhelmed and just hide under the covers for a little bit. We are all broken and live in a broken world. You might have to endure a season of hardships at no fault of your own and beyond your control, but you do get to determine what perspective you take.
You get to decide where you place your focus and hold your mindset. Whether you are struggling at home, at work, or any area of your life – you can focus on growth and becoming the best version of yourself. Let go of the past, and get through the present one step at a time. And while you take that next step, look for ways to grow. Choose growth. God’s not done with you yet. Your life is a masterpiece still being created.
One way you can grow is complete a John Maxwell DISC personality assessment with me and learn about your personality and communication strengths and growth areas. I know it has certainly helped me.
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Our Lives Will Never Be The Same
Our lives will never be the same. Today’s post is much more personal than most. My mother-in-law, one of the sweetest, most joyful souls you could ever meet, was killed this week. My sister-in-law was abducted, taken away, harmed, and deeply traumatized. Our family is agonizing as the police continue to search for mom’s remains. All they are able to share at this time is that they know mom was killed as this horrific crime unfolded.
It was senseless and tragic. As far as we can tell, my sister-in-law’s soon to be ex-husband is responsible. My sister-in-law is blind because of chemo and end stage cancer. This man was gone for a while with no regard for her well-being and mom moved from out of state to go live with her to care for her. This man has deeply wounded our family with his heinous acts.
Words can’t begin to describe how horrible this has been for us all. My father-in-law is deeply grieving for his beautiful wife and trying to figure out how to help his daughter. My husband and his brother are trying to figure out how to care for their dad and sister while they themselves still cannot breathe or wrap their mind around how two of the most precious women in their lives were brutally victimized. The grandchildren are overwhelmed and scared. One of the most beautiful lights in their life, Grandma, is gone. Then there is this whole investigation, which is necessary, but by nature of the process, continues to traumatize us all. It’s so very hard.
Excruciatingly painful barely begins to describe the experience. While the rest of the world moves on, we wait struggling to breathe, searching for some footing, trying to figure out how to move forward from something so evil.
The solace we find is in our thoughts about mom. She was an incredible woman. She was born in Japan, the child of an American GI. As such, she was horribly mistreated in Japan. She grew up in orphanages and foster families. As a young teen, she hoped she would die rather than continue on. But she endured, and at age 16, she came to America with her younger siblings, who were born to another GI.
They lived with this man for a short time and even though she didn’t speak a word of English, she raised her siblings, went to school, and got a job. At 19, she met and married dad, and they worked to build a beautiful life. Together, they learned of Jesus and His saving grace. Mom knew she was loved by God and greater things were yet to come. Slowly, her broken life was transformed.
She turned her thoughts to God, His kindness, His compassion, and His love for her. Rather than dwelling on what wasn’t right in her world, she chose to focus on what could be with God by her side. She dreamed, she continued to grow herself, and she loved God passionately. She got herself through school, worked as a teacher at her kid’s school, and later became the senior manager at the credit union. She was strong, she was feisty, and she was an overcomer.
She raised three really great kids who became successful, caring adults. She has 5 beautiful grandchildren that she loved and adored beyond measure and who fiercely love her back. She planted a bush or tree in her yard each time a grandchild was born to honor their lives and their growth.
She adored flower gardens and grew beautiful flowers in every color. She was an artist at heart and appreciated color and beauty. All throughout the year, she sent us handmade beautiful cards expressing her love for us. She also had a beautiful voice, and despite being terrified of the stage, she did it anyway, and sang and praised the God she loved and adored.
Mom never let her thinking control her. She chose what thoughts she was going to dwell on, and she dreamed God sized dreams and took steps toward them despite her past, despite her fear, despite her hardships. She knew God had designed her for more. She knew God’s faithfulness and trusted His promises. Now she is resting, at peace in her heavenly father’s arms. We will miss you mom, but we will never forget you or how you have influenced our lives. We pray your amazing story of love, hope, and growth lives on through each of us.
Today’s leadership and personal growth lesson for us all – is to live out what mom’s life continually demonstrated. Don’t let your past experiences or your current circumstances determine your future. Don’t dwell on thoughts that don’t bring life. Dwell on thoughts that help you become more of who God designed you to be. Find your strength in God, and dream with Him about all that He desires for your future. Daily renew your mind, and take a step towards living out the amazing potential He has created within you. Choose daily to love the people around you and focus on what matters most.
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Dare to Dream
Do you dare to dream? Have you let hardships or facts in your life steal them away from you? As years go by we often let dreams go. How sad is that? Imagination is where God breathes life into every new invention known to man. Dreams take us to our better tomorrow. Are you dreaming about your future? I’ve been dreaming about where I want to be 5 years from now. I am painting the picture in my mind. Each day, I add a little more sparkle, a splash more color, a bolder texture to my story. In reality, I can barely draw a stick figure, but in my imagination, I am brilliant. I am becoming aware of more ideas. I am starting to see it, feel it, and some days I can almost touch it. Each day it becomes a little more real. The excitement is building as my thought life shows me the next step. Just one more step each day.
Napoleon Hill, back in the 30’s said, “Your dominating thoughts are like magnets. They attract to us the forces, the people, the circumstances of life which harmonize with the nature of your dominating thoughts.” That is fascinating to me. Our dominating thoughts are like powerful magnets. All of a sudden I’m picturing myself back as a child playing with two magnets one on top of the table and one underneath magically dragging the top one along fooling friends with magical powers…. But I don’t think that was quite what he was getting at.
Did you know your thoughts are actually energy? They are electrical currents in your brain. Your brain has over 100 billion neurons firing electrical impulses through thousands of synaptic connections. Each of these actions, interactions, and reactions trigger thousands of messages. Energy flows. It travels. The pattern of the travel can be seen on different types of brain scans. It’s quite fascinating.
Physics tells us that everything is made up of atoms that vibrate together. This energy that vibrates at one frequency attracts more energy of the same frequency. When Napoleon Hill identified dominating thoughts attract “like” energy, he was defining concepts we are just starting to grasp in science today.
Isn’t that crazy to think about? Our thought energy impacts and influences the physical energy of opportunities, experiences, and outcomes. This doesn’t necessarily mean if I think a happy thought, more happy things come into my world. But the reality is my dominating thoughts, the thoughts I dwell on and feed daily to my subconscious mind, do broadcast a certain energy and attract other sources of similar energy. What that means for me is that I actually have the ability to influence some of the energy (ideas, opportunities, experiences, and outcomes) drawn into my life.
If I choose to think negative thoughts, and fill my mind with all the things that don’t work or I don’t like or I follow habits that are destructive, I am putting out negative energy. This energy will attract like energy. Those old adages are true, “birds of a feather flock together” and “misery loves company.” With my negative mindset, I draw that type of energy into my life. But if I choose to renew my mind, as Philippians says, focus on what is true, right, and pure, I begin to attract more of that energy into my life. Energy attracts like energy.
So I am dreaming and imagining about where I am headed. I’m thinking, feeling, and saturating myself in those bigger thoughts and where I believe my faith is leading me to go. I don’t want to stay in the status quo, the monotony, the daily grind…. I want more out of my life. I want a thriving life that continues to live out my potential. I might not be able to avoid all the bumps and bruises that come along the way, but I certainly don’t have to be stuck in the mire. I can intentionally choose my dominating thoughts and set the course for a different future.
Reflect: Do you dream about your future? If you are not happy with the status quo, think about where you would like to be. What is your mindset like today? What’s bouncing around in your thought environment that might be influencing your current situation? Do you see that you might be stuck in your old patterns of thinking, living out the status quo?
Take Action: You can begin to renew your mind, change your thinking, and grow beyond today. What are you going to choose? Think about a dream, a goal, or a desire. Write it out in detail. Your thinking might be holding you back from progress toward that goal. What would you need to change in your thinking to begin to open up this door of opportunity in your life?
Real Life Examples:
One individual I have been speaking with wanted more out of his career, but he had a mindset that held him back. He wanted to move from being a solo technical expert to becoming a manager. But his mind was fraught with ideas like, “I don’t know how to manage people,” and “I can’t lead others,” and “What if I mess up?” His thinking was holding him back. Rather than be stuck in his fear, he needed to focus on the truth of his God given potential. He worked on changing his mindset to include thoughts like, “I have leadership resources to help me grow and learn more,” and “It’s okay to make mistakes, I can learn from them and move on,” and “I know really good leaders who I can model and learn from.” He focused his thoughts on his dream and the next step, rather than being stuck in his current patterns of disbelief. Not too long after, he was promoted to a management role in his field of specialty.
A teacher was given the opportunity to work with a classroom of 20 students in a failing school in the inner city. She knew she would potentially have the same students for 2-3 years if they came to school and didn’t drop out. She intentionally set out to create an environment that set them up for growth and worked to challenge their “poverty” mindset every day, several times a day. When she heard thinking that would hold them back, she helped them see the limiting belief and taught them to think differently. She encouraged and showed them how to believe in themselves, in their dreams, and in their potential. When her three year tenure was complete, each of those children graduated to the next level.
Your thinking and results won’t change overnight, but with intentionality you can begin to develop and nurture more of your potential for your future. You were meant for more. Don’t let your current thinking hold you back. Choose to grow. Sign up for a mastermind series or a mentoring course and begin to challenge and nurture your growth. You won’t regret it.
Photo credit: Dayne Topkin
