Lessons from the Deck
So I suggested to my husband we get an estimate to refinish our deck. He bought power tools!
I’m embarrassed to share, it’s been 10 years and we’ve done nothing for it. It needs a really good clean, a few repairs, and new seal or stain of some sort. Seriously, our deck is the nicest feature to our house. We should not have neglected it. I was thinking we should have someone else fix it, but my husband had a different plan.
It’s 700 square feet overlooking the trees and creek of our backyard. But taking on a project like this is not our normal. He is allergic to most things outdoors and he likes engines, dirt bikes, and guitars. I, on the other hand, love to read and learn, be near or on the water (summer or winter), and do workshops to train and help others grow. Projects are not our forte. Not to mention, we both have a way of doing things, and it’s very different. We even cook rice differently!
When I talk leadership strengths with people, I talk about knowing your strengths and surrounding yourselves with others who fill your gaps. I also talk about understanding your personality style and how you relate to others to improve your communication and connection. This applies to marriage too!
Early on, my husband and I found our gaps. We were different. We figured out we would never win a three-legged race, because we don’t work well when we are working right next to each other. He’s a strong C personality, I’m a high D personality. I have enough C to get along with him but not enough where we can agree on how things should get done. Likewise, my high D likes thinks to keep moving. His high C likes to contemplate and dwell in the details.
Tied together in a three-legged race we’d bobble and fumble. We’d be that couple still at the starting line lying on the ground, frustrated with each other, after tripping and stumbling trying to each do it our own way.
But here is what this deck project has reinforced for us. Our “couple” strength is not a three-legged race, it’s a relay race. Instead of being tied together, if we can figure out how to pass the baton back and forth to work toward the same finish line, we are champions. It’s our groove. It works for our personalities, our strengths, and our family dynamics.
It took days of cleaning – he sprayed an area down and then bubble soaked it in the morning and then went to work on-line. I then scrubbed and slowly blasted the crud to infinity and beyond. On his lunch hour, when I see clients he took over the power washing. Back and forth we’d go. It was slow going, especially those tedious railings, but each day we were making progress. 10 years of crud build up from all the trees is finally gone.
The deck is clean, the repairs have been made, and the sanding is finished. As soon as the rains clear we will apply the seal/stain. In the meantime, each morning we sit outside together listening to the birds, watching the deer at the creek, and being together. At lunch time, my daughter and I enjoy the sunshine. In the evenings we sit with our kids around the fire pit or playing games on the deck. We are sharing some wonderful, peaceful moments together amidst all of life’s crazy.
Together, we have accomplished a really great thing. But it would not have gone as well if we had tried to force ourselves to work alongside each other, forcing our way of doing things on the other. We’ve figured out our strengths as a couple, where we are strong and where we are weak, and how to make that work for us.
Think about your couple strengths? Where do you do well together? Where do you struggle? Look at your personality differences. What can you tweak, adjust, or flex to increase the connectedness and decrease the frustration so that you too can accomplish great things and enjoy it together as a couple?
If you aren’t sure about how your personality traits line up in comparison with your spouse, take the DISC personality profile. The information will help you tremendously as you seek to communicate and connect with others! Learn more about the DISC here.
