Help! How do we help our teens and young adults deal with COVID19?
For many students, especially those in high school, the Coronavirus has brought big losses: high school sports teams, prom, band concerts, theater productions, graduation ceremonies, and end of year parties to name a few. It’s a time usually filled with college visits and starting to think about what comes next in life.
When you are in high school life follows a linear plan. 9th grade, 10th grade, fall sports, spring sports, 2nd period, 3rd period, this activity, then that. Years of repetition have led to very clear expectations of what comes next leading into your first years of college.
But with COVID19 these teens and young adults likely feel like they are being robbed of milestones, typical life experiences and anticipated memories.
It’s hard to be a teenager on a good day – we’ve all felt that teen angst. But now insert months of COVID19 and it can be downright depressing. School buildings are closed, productions canceled, sports prematurely ended, and social activities severely crippled.
Put yourself in their shoes. That’s a lot of change. That’s a lot of loss. At the very season of life when peers and social relationships help us learn to define who we are and what we want, they are shut-in and more isolated. In this phase of life when they should be learning to be a little more independent and developing some autonomy they are being restricted, confined, and bossed around like there were a child again.
Within all that there has to be a lot of grief, confusion, frustration, anger, hurt, disappointment, and even rebellion. Whether home-schooled, public schooled, or private schooled – your teen or young adult has probably had their world shaken.
What can we do to help them get through this season? How do we help depression-proof this time frame for them and keep them focused on moving forward?
Neurobiology teaches us that our brains develop well into our mid-20s. The higher parts of brain function are the last to develop. Basic drives and reward-seeking behavior are well established by our teen years, but impulse control, planning and complex reasoning are the last to fully develop.
This means teens and young adults are more likely to display risky behavior, impulsivity, and search for things with immediate rewards. They perceive themselves to even have a little bit of invincibility. They also tend to be influenced more by peers or other adults rather than parents as they strive for some autonomy. That’s part of development. It’s normal behavior – but in a pandemic it’s kind of scary.
But here is the good news, while their brains aren’t fully developed, they are developing. Their frontal lobes are learning to engage and problem solve. Talk with your teen. Have honest conversations with open ended questions. Engage them in critical thinking about the data and research regarding the virus. Think together about how it is impacting the world. Ask for their perspective on how to care for the more vulnerable. Help them understand their part of the bigger community.
Even better yet, find people they like to listen to and get them in on the conversation. Peers and others outside the home take on a louder voice during adolescence. Who has earned that place in your teen’s life that you respect? Is it a coach, youth pastor, grandparent, neighbor – ask them to help speak into your teen’s life during this complicated time.
The second thing we can do is encourage social connection amidst social distancing in planful ways. I get excited when I see schools, teams, or churches finding innovative and creative ways to build connection for youth. Social distancing does not have to mean social isolation. Give your teen and their peer group ownership for planning safe social connection. I’ve seen teens coming up with all sorts of great ideas like small group bike rides, Zoom workouts with friends, and Netflix parties just to name a few.
Young people can be incredibly creative when they want something. Put them in charge of coming up with ways to connect. It’s disappointing that so few schools or colleges are including students in their COVID19 conversations. It’s not that young adults are not able, quite the contrary, they just need some parameters. Their passion and energy can out rival the boring adults any day.
Finally, help your teen or young adult become a champion for their own growth for the good of themselves and others. Help them understand, this is what it is. The Coronavirus sucks and there’s a lot of hurt and loss. It’s important to grieve, but don’t get stuck there. Look for the opportunities that can come with a crisis. What can they do for their own growth? How can they add value to others?
How they respond to this time will set precedent for years to come. The world just changed. There is no going back. Help lead your teen or young adult towards becoming someone who overcomes and grows through the crisis.
During May and June 2020 be sure to subscribe and receive access to a encouraging graduation message from John C. Maxwell to share with 2020 graduates.
Consider gifting a graduate you know with a College & Career Assessment. It will set them ahead of their peers as they start college life. Click here for more info.
